this is a spin off of the “me is no atheist” blog because that blog was so long, it needed to be split up, even though i said i wouldn’t split it up… mostly written, 4th July 2009, mostly ….. this is the last of four parts …
THE GOD IDEA
I’m not sure who (or what) gave me the god idea, maybe I got it from church in general but I sort of had a fear of god, somehow, by not doing the right thing, but when it came to actually doing “wrong” things, the fear of god never entered into my mind to not go and do those things, (so fearing god, was pointless again) my fear was that god would make my life worse than it already was, simply for me being me, regardless if i did anything wrong, and god did just that, it kept on making my life worse…
I don’t know how serious I took it, or maybe it was coz I saw “The Omen” too many times, but at one stage my young brain figured that I’d father the anti-christ so it’s probably a good thing that I don’t have kids.. that was the message I got from the god idea.. that I was going to do something extremely evil in the future, so god got in and punished me pre-emptively, smacking me down before I’d even opened up my mouth.
so I came to hate god, hate the church after learning about the crusades and the inquisitions, hate what god had done to me, hate him for making me look like this, hate him for the way people treat me, hate him for the times even when I’m right that I’m still somehow at fault, hate hate hate… so I grew up with the concept of god punishing me for something i would never get to do in the first place *because* i was punished *pre-emptively*, so for me god had interfered with my life somehow – that’s all i had, none of the religious idiocy that went with it was attached, as it seemed i was “allowed” to not be involved in “church” anyway…
I tried praying a few times, but I felt saying prayers was empty and silly, I vaguely remember a couple of churchy sports things on the town oval a few times… but the only thing i got from christchoonity was “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and that “Jesus loves everyone” …
and “do unto others” is the only thing from the bible you actually need to know.. as for the rest of the bible, hmmmmmm… a waste of time and effort is a polite way to say it…
but then eventually – god went away, forgotten, I never even noticed that he’d gone, just like Jackie Paper did to Puff the Magic Dragon when Jackie grew up…
but god was forgotten… that took fifteen years to happen.. I think.. I also found that by ignoring what god did to me, I was able to see all those other people that god had fucked around too – and once you see them, you can see that you aren’t alone – so it’s not just personal – god’s fuckups were every where
but then you have to wonder about these people who are really hurt or deformed or terminally ill or in a hopeless situation of sorts – and they *still* believe in god… those people would need to some serious comfort if they lost their religion .. but that’s a dependency – a drug – a narcotic… this is no different to going cold turkey with some hard core recreational drugs…………..
so I’ve no doubt that when people give away their religion, how fucking scary it is, but there is nothing to fear, except the fear you create yourself, to paraphrase whoever it was who said “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” – Kennedy was it? Churchill? FDR? I forget…
going from believing to non-believing is like taking your shoes off and walking around bare foot on the carpet, it feels strange at first but u get used to it, but then you realise that you are noticing more because your feet can actually feel the ground – you just have to remember that you aren’t invincible and can’t walk on hot coals or broken glass or go bare foot when it’s cold and rainy – but I try to avoid those situations even when i am wearing shoes anyway.
so having forgotten about the satanic devil christian god, after all there is no Satan without god, i thought that being a believer was something that went away with age, like .. Satan, urrr.. I mean Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny (what do bunnies and eggs have to do with some dude being tortured urr nevermind) and Tinkerbell and Peter Pan and various other fantasy stories that filled out our imaginations as children..
sidenote: I wonder if all these happy go lucky stories we tell kids are told to soften the blow of life being a real pain in the mangina? I mean how wonderful was it to believe in a magical man who brought you pressies every year, even if the “price” was to be ‘good’ ??
is Santa Clause the short term version of Jesus? eg. kids stop believing in Santa eventually – so having that let down early in life will prepare them for bigger let downs, later on in life… ie. Jesus and god and girls and boys and etc.. well, u know what i mean.
but all of that is slipping away, we are growing up faster and faster, there are school kids that can do the jobs of some of the fuck tards i work with, seriously… most of these hackers out there on the internet, are *bored* kids.. imagine that boredom put to good use? but no, we have all these stupid laws to make things “fair” for people who don’t deserve it -ie. the stupid morons who pretend to write software and get paid for it but they can’t get fired coz they’re FULL TIME GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES … you practically have to murder someone to get the flick from the Aussie government 😀
we are living more and more in every day, I forget where i read it but, compared to only a few decades ago, we are living thirty eight hour days or something like that… forget about the exact numbers, as regardless, it makes perfect sense. All these time saving things we do and devices we use, allow us to do way more than we used to do. Shit, even in the past few years paying the rent or the bills has become something that takes five minutes a week on the phone to accomplish, but ten years ago, it took me twenty minutes just to make the walk to the real estate agent and pay the rent and come back again.
it’s a roller coaster ride, and I must say that I find it exciting – people holding back science are spoiling the fun we could all be having – I want to fly in from the asteroid belt everyday to go to work… having found myself a nice quiet rock to live on….
maybe this is why we are growing up faster, the harsh truths of the world that our parents used to cushion us from can’t be hidden any more thanks to the demand for information, so we need to know these harsh realities earlier and earlier on in life, otherwise we’ll get used as chumps and pawns in somebody’s power struggles or taken advantage of by some krusty character.
For instance: if you grew up in a small town and everyone was genuinely caring and looking out for every one else in the community, you probably wouldn’t have much crime, so there’s little reason to warn kids about talking to strangers or even locking your house up, as there aren’t any strangers.
but growing up in a city with thousands of people most of whom you don’t know, it would be prudent to make sure your house is locked and to tell a young child to not talk to strangers (that’s just the first example i can think up, i’m sure there are better examples actual parents could come up with)
“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”–[Alvin Toffler]
with computing being the most rapidly changing thing i can think up off the top of my head, there is often a need to unlearn and relearn re-un-learn all the time. like every time i buy a new computer, the technology is slightly different, so I have to relearn what hardware I need to get the most bang for buck (I put my computers together from parts, when someone says that they have a “Bitza” Computer.. it means bits of this, bits of that)